Chapter 21: What Do you Want To KNow?

Lydia.

Jeremy checked the time on his phone and suddenly sat up with a panicked look.  He clicked off the TV and sat up on the couch. I sat up from where I had been leaning on him. “I’m sorry, Lydia, but I forgot to do something tonight. Um, you understand, right?”

How could he forget to tell me until now?

“What is it?” I said.

“It doesn’t matter. I need to get there as soon as possible. Come on, let’s go!”

We quickly gathered up all our stuff and headed out the door and into the car. I had a sinking feeling he was going back to that girl Becca.

As we sped away, I looked at him in the driver’s seat. He looked straight ahead as if he was trying to hide his emotions.

“Now can you tell me what you’re going to do?” I said softly.

“Uh, you know how I was going to see my…friend Becca, yesterday, but that fell through?”

“Yeah…” I said with dread in my voice.

“Well, I promised I’d meet her tonight, and I have to meet her, like right now. I forgot. You understand, right?”

The way he hesitated before “friend” told me…something about it twisted up my stomach inside. I didn’t know for sure, but I had a sinking feeling it wasn’t true. Why couldn’t I believe him? Why couldn’t I convince myself he was telling the truth?

It was time to just ask him. It was time to demand to know the truth. No more lies, no more excuses.

“You two are just friends, right?” I said.

He looked straight down the road, not looking at me at all.  He didn’t say anything for a good five seconds.

“Yeah,” He finally said to me. “Don’t worry.”

We drove in silence to my house.  I had been with Jeremy for one day.  One day, and he sat with Becca.  And ever since then, he’s been ditching me to go with her; all the while he insisted they were just friends.  Why was I letting him do this?  I need to tell him that enough is enough.  I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.  How could I be silent about this?  How could I just let him do this to me? 

He stopped by the curb. I stepped out and shut the door.

I turned around, and he screeched away. He didn’t stop to kiss me or even say goodbye. He just sped away.

I turned around to see a small green car slowly pass by my house. Chris was in the back seat. Chris was in a car full of people. He was with friends. He was happy.  Then he saw me and our eyes met.  We felt a thousand miles away.  I was so close to him physically but so far away emotionally.  The only other time it was this way between us was when we were suspended from school for that stupid terrible rumor.  But this time, it was worse.  At least, that time we were friends.  At least, that time we were close.  At least, that time Chris was mine…

Chris finally averted his gaze and the car drove away. I sighed and turned around to go up the sidewalk. I opened the door to my house – to see Mom and Dad sitting on the couch. They were obviously waiting for me. They turned to Mark, who had been playing his handheld game. “Mark, we want you to go up to your room.”

Mark looked up and groaned. “Oh, man. I miss everything.”

He walked up the stairs.

“Sit down, Lydia.” My mom said to me.

I reluctantly sat down.

“We just want to know what’s going on between you and Jeremy. No lectures or punishments today. We promise.” My dad said to me.

“We want to be sure everything is okay,” Mom continued.

I was getting tired of keeping up the façade that everything was cool between me and Jeremy. I knew the truth deep down. But still, it was so hard to admit to my parents that I really messed up.  Just knowing that they were right about him from the very beginning, it made me sick inside.  I couldn’t keep going on like this anymore. 

I lowered my head and closed my eyes, then finally raised my head up again. “Well, okay,” I finally said. “What do you want to know?”

“Start at the beginning and go from there,” My mom said. 

Slowly the whole story spilled out. 

“So, let me get this straight,” My dad said to me when I finally finished. “Jeremy says that he and Becca are just friends, but you saw them almost kiss a few days ago. And yesterday, this Becca got in a fight with another girl you think might have also wanted him. And today you saw him staring at Amanda, who you told us was his kinda-sorta ex-girlfriend. And, now, less than thirty minutes ago, Jeremy dropped you off to go see Becca, correct?”

I slowly nodded. When he said it like that, it was pretty clear that Jeremy had screwed me over. He had from the very beginning.

My dad looked at Mom and bit his lip. He knew what he wanted to say, but he was keeping himself from saying it.

“Well, as we promised, no lectures or punishments today. Your mother and I will talk about it and–”

Ding dong!

Instinctively, I jumped up and quickly answered the door before my parents could say anything.

It was Jeremy, just like I hoped it would be. He came back for me. I knew he couldn’t stay away. He smiled at me.

“Look, I, uh, have tickets to the Psycho Ex-Boyfriend and Jessica Long and the New Kind concert, but we have to leave now if we want to get there in time. Do you want to go?”

He did come back for me. I knew it. I started to smile at him.

“Lydia…” Dad called from behind me. I didn’t turn around. “Just please…think about it. Were the tickets originally for you?”

Becca. My heart sank when I realized my dad was right, that the only reason he was here now was because Becca couldn’t come to that concert.

“I can’t,” somehow came out of my mouth. “I’m sorry.” But he was here and he wanted me. He was right here and I had to say no.

“Why not?” he demanded. “Come on, we have to go now.”

 “She said no, Jeremy,” my dad said sternly from behind me.  I lowered my head.

“Of course, sir,” he stammered. “I…uh…hope we can do something some other time, Lydia.”

He started backing away. “Well, see you later, Lydia.” Jeremy looked at me and I managed a half-wave goodbye.

Jeremy turned around and walked down the sidewalk to his car.  My dad closed the door before he got to his car. 

He just left, and I already started to miss him again. Why did I miss someone who I knew didn’t even want me?  Why did I let him get under my skin?  Part of me wanted to believe that he had broken up with her, that he was ready to give me everything.  I could have worked it out, and my parents ruined it.

I glared at my mom and dad. “I’m going to my room,” I said angrily.

My dad sighed and put his head in his hands. My mom put her hand on his arm. I turned and walked up the stairs to my room and slammed the door.

My room was still empty. While I had cleared all the memories of Chris, I hadn’t replaced them with new ones of Jeremy. There was nothing but blank empty walls. I stared at them for a long time, then walked over and leaned my head against the wall. As much I tried to fight it, I missed Chris like crazy. I missed his smile and always being by my side. I missed doing plays together and him knowing when I was upset even when he didn’t know what to do about it. But most of all, I just missed him. And I wanted him back.