Thanksgiving was rather boring. My aunts and uncles all talked about local stuff that didn’t apply to me, and my older cousins, who used to play with me, all had boyfriends or girlfriends and spent time with them instead. Mark was the youngest and it felt like now that I was a teenager and not a cute little girl anymore, I was not the one they doted on anymore. We arrived home from the plane trip around10:00 PM Sunday and went straight to bed.
The box of pictures of my life with Chris, still stashed in the back of the closet, weighed heavily on me. I felt like I had betrayed and hurt Chris, and he didn’t even know anything had happened.
It was two weeks until Christmas now. All my Christmas shopping was done, and now we were deep into trying to finish assignments or projects due before Christmas.
I met Chris in front our yards Monday morning as usual and started walking toward school in silence. We walked all the way to school and inside we did not say one word to each other. I went to my locker and grabbed my books for the first period. I walked to Chris’s locker and just stood beside him. He turned and looked at me. I hated the quiet between us. As Juliet would say, Is there no pity sitting in the clouds, that sees into the bottom of my grief? Why was it so hard to admit my feelings? Why couldn’t I just tell him how I felt? Why couldn’t I just speak?!
“I love you, Chris…tmas.” Oh, I did not just say that out loud. I might as well die right here.
“I’ve never heard that song before.”
“I, uh…nothing. Never mind.”
I was this close, and he misunderstood me. Or did he? I don’t know anymore. Now was my chance. I’ve opened the window just a tiny bit, maybe I could use it.
“Actually, Chris…”
“Um, it has to be quick, because the class is about to start.”
I looked at my watch. He was right.
“Never mind. Forget it.”
The morning and afternoon dragged on as we struggled to get through classes. Finally, the end of the day arrived. When we went to our lockers to grab our books, there was a paper on top of it. “Hey, I have a note.”
I opened it up and it said: Come see me at practice today. Jeremy.
I guess that’s how you communicate if you don’t have my number. I shouldn’t go. Why did he want me to come to practice anyway? I mean, he was humiliated after Chris bested him at Romeo and Juliet, so why should I care?
I started to crumple up the paper. “All right let’s go home.”
“So you’re not going to check him out?” Chris suddenly blurted.
It sounded like he actually wanted to go see Jeremy. “Wait, you want to see him practice?” I asked, confused.
He hesitated and backtracked, “Uh, only if you want to.”
What was going on here? I had a feeling I wouldn’t find out unless I actually said yes. I pretended to sigh. “Fine, we can go to his practice for a few minutes.”
Maybe he wanted to find out how Jeremy was as a basketball player. But after what Jeremy did to him, he told me that he never wanted to be near basketball again. Maybe he thought Jeremy was going to show off. But why would he want Jeremy to show off? I was still so confused.
We walked down to the gym. When we walked in, Coach blew the whistle and said, “Okay start again.”
Jeremy looked over at me and Chris. He pointed at me and smiled. I watched as he dodged past the other teammates, some of them shouting, “I’m open.” He ignored them and made a layup, then went out to make a three point shot. After the shot went in, he grabbed the ball again and made another shot. Wait, that had to be wrong. Didn’t the ball go to the other team?
Suddenly the coach blew his whistle, hard. “No, no, no!”
“Everyone, stop! Wagner, you especially – stop!”
Slowly everyone came to a standstill. He looked at the coach with the ball in his hands.
“What was that? What was that?”
“I was just practicing, Coach,” Jeremy protested.
“What you were doing was showing off. Wagner, how many times have a told you, it’s not just you out there. You have your teammates to think about. I’m sick and tired of you show-boating my games. I don’t care how flashy it looks; it doesn’t work. We lost the last five games because you thought it would be cooler to make yourself look like a basketball star than playing as a teammate.”
He sighed. “You’re on thin ice as it is, and for you to do it again during practice…well, it’s revolting!”
“But, Coach,” he spoke up. “I was the MVP of my middle school –”
“Don’t you understand how feeble that sounds? Wagner, don’t ever hijack the team again. I want you to sit out for the rest of this practice game.”
Jeremy glared at the coach, but then hung his head and quietly said, “Sorry, coach.”
The coach sighed. “Look, Wagner, you maybe be all sorry hearted, but you have one of the biggest egos I’ve ever seen. I feel like I’m the only one who ever notices you need to keep yourself in check. If I hear one of your peers ever call you out for something you’ve done, I’m not going to stop them. Go sit down, now.”
Jeremy dropped his head as he headed to the bench and sat down. He avoided his eyes from me.
That’s it. I didn’t want to see anymore.
“Can we go now?” I said to Chris, obviously annoyed.
“Uh, sure.”
As we walked out of the gym, I slowly understood why Chris wanted us to go. It was a way to beat Jeremy. Show him humiliated. Show him ruined. Well, it didn’t work on me. In fact, it had the opposite effect. I actually felt sorry for Jeremy.
I turned and glared at Chris. “How could you convince me to see him? You knew he was going to be humiliated. I thought you were better than that.”
“Lydia, he wanted you to come see him. If you went without my convincing you, you would have seen the same thing.”
Maybe he had a point. I walked for a few seconds and stewed over what Chris said. “But you knew.”
“Lydia, how could I have known that was going to happen? I didn’t know.”
This was so stupid. Why couldn’t he just admit that he knew Jeremy was going to be humiliated? “Well, then, you, at least, had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen, okay? You did.”
“Okay, fine, I guessed that with Jeremy’s big ego, and the fact he invited you to his practice, he was probably going to try to show off, and well, if the coach was there, which of course he was, Jeremy would get in trouble for it. And he did. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to Jeremy.”
“Why would I have to apologize to Jeremy? Did I say or do anything to him?”
I sighed. He did have a point. “You’re right…but still, you wanted to see him humiliated. And you got your wish. You beat him again. You happy now?”
“Lydia, I said I was sorry! What more do you want me to do!”
His bitter response was too much. I stopped and turned to him. “You know what? Maybe I don’t want to study together today. Because I don’t like your attitude!”
He glared at me and then turned his face away. “You know what? I agree. And I don’t like your attitude either!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
We walked the rest of the way without speaking to each other, not even chancing a look in the other’s direction.