Chapter 4: There’s Nothing About It That’s for Me

Chris.

My eyes darted around the gym, trying to find the answer the blonde girl’s question. I didn’t want to look directly at her or her friends.

“Well…your father.”

Jeremy’s girl looked like she was about to take my head off.

“I haven’t seen my father in five years, so what makes you think he actually cares about me?”

Lydia.

Jeremy pulled away his hand and reconsidered.  “No, that’s not what I meant.  I’m not trying to pressure you to dance with me.  I know you’re with Chris.  But I just wonder…considering how he acted before with you…has he ever told you how beautiful you are?”

“Uh…”

“You are beautiful, Lydia.  I just wish he could see it.”

He reached out and touched my arm.  Red, hot electricity flowed through me. Brilliant blue eyes stared back at me. For the briefest second, I closed my eyes, and the gym, the table, the music all faded away. I actually felt his touch on my arm instead of pushing it away. He wanted me. Me. 

I pushed open my eyes.  No, wait – what was I doing?  I was with Chris. 

“Look, I don’t know why you’re doing this,” I said to him, “but I know one thing. All of this attention, it’s not meant for me. I don’t know the reason, but there’s nothing about it that’s for me.  You’re playing me.” His hand was still there but it stopped caressing me. It looked like what I said affected him like I had pierced through his armor.

Chris.

I finally looked up straight into the blonde girl’s eyes. “I’m so sorry,” I said after a few seconds of silence. “I didn’t know. I guess when you look at it like that; I could see why you think that way about guys.”

She looked at me as if she saw me for the first time.

“Hey…I know you. You’re Jeremy’s loser cousin aren’t you? Chris, right?”

“Yeah,” I said to her. Oh, I still don’t know her name! “And you are…Jeremy’s girlfriend.”

No, you could have said anything but that!  I cringed.

 “He’s not my boyfriend,” She said. “I hate it when people assume that.”

I put my hands on my head. I was such an idiot. “No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I couldn’t remember your name.”

“Well, it’s Amanda.” She crossed her arms and looked away. Then she looked beyond me and gave a puzzled look.

Lydia.

Jeremy let go of my arm.  “Why are you assuming that I have some sort of ulterior motive?  I’m just over here because I saw you over here and it looked like you weren’t having fun.  So I was, you know, concerned.  That’s all.” 

“No, that’s not true,” I stammered back at him. I could still feel the electricity between me and him. I closed my eyes and imaged us dancing close to each other as romantic music played, just like I wanted.  I imagined I put my arms around him and he put his hands on my face. You’re so beautiful, he said to me.

But it was all lies, all of it.

“Lydia,” he started, “I meant what I said about you.  You are absolutely stunning.”

My heart was beating out my chest.  I still didn’t get why Jeremy thought I was stunning…but he sounded so sincere.  He sounded like he really meant it. It felt great to know someone thought you were beautiful, stunning even.

“Thanks,” I said.  I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Chris.

Amanda pointed at a couple across the gym at the punch table. “Hey, isn’t that Jeremy talking with your girlfriend over there? And it looks like they’re doing more than just talking.”

Jeremy was there, talking with Lydia, his body very close to hers.  She stared straight into his eyes. 

“Excuse me,” I said distractedly. “I have to go…”

“Bye, loser,” she cut in.

Lydia.

Has Chris ever told you were beautiful? 

I tried to push the thought out of my mind.  “If you ever need anything, I’m right here,” Jeremy said to me. He reached his hand out toward my cheek.

“Hi!” Chris suddenly said beside me. I backed away, reeling from what Jeremy just did. What just happened? How did I enter an alternate dimension where I would actually consider Jeremy?

I quickly put my arm around Chris’s arm, and for once he did not push it away. I was so grateful for that.

“Well, if it isn’t the most pathetic loser and his cousin and his cousin’s girlfriend.” A blonde girl glared at all of us as she came up on the other side of Jeremy. “There have been some low things you’ve done before, but flirting with your cousin’s girlfriend is quite possible the very worst. You are that pathetic, Jeremy.” She grabbed his arm and squeezed. He glared back at her.

“I’m just talking with her, why is that so offensive?” Jeremy snapped back at her.  “Has it ever occurred to you that I don’t care what you think?”

“I knew what you were doing, jerk.  You were flirting with her, and she was your latest catch.”

I was right. This whole thing was about Jeremy getting back at that girl.

Chris.

I just realized that we were put in the middle of a fight between two very harsh and insulting people. I never wanted to be caught up in this…drama. I was just glad that Jeremy wasn’t actually going after Lydia because he wanted her. That would be far worse because then he wouldn’t give up on pursuing her.  Hopefully, he just bothered her for one night because of his fight with Amanda.

“Let’s go,” I mouthed to Lydia. She nodded and we started to steal away.

Lydia.

Jeremy suddenly reached out his hand toward me.  I looked down at his hand and for one second, almost by instinct, I reached toward him with my hand. Then I realized all three sets of eyes were on me.

Chris.

I blinked, trying to understand what I just saw. Jeremy reached out his hand, and Lydia moved her hand toward his?  I looked over at Amanda and her fist was clenched.  She was as angry as I was confused.

Lydia.

I quickly pulled my hand away and turned back to Chris as we walked away. I knew Chris saw the whole thing. How could I do that, right in front of him?  We found some chairs and sat down.

Has Chris ever told you how beautiful you are?

What was I doing? I was trying to dance with someone who didn’t even want to dance with me. The only reason he did it was because I wore him down enough that he felt like he had to say yes. And then Jeremy shows up, and the whole reason he flirted with me was because he had issues with that girl. When I put all that together, I didn’t even know why I wanted to come to this dance anymore.

“Can we go home?” I said to Chris.

Chris.

I was confused. Didn’t Lydia want to dance?

“Well, sure. But we didn’t even get to dance.”

“I don’t really feel like dancing anymore.”

I felt so stupid for leaving when I did. It was time to apologize. “I’m really sorry, Lydia. I just got a little nervous earlier –”

“It’s fine,” she said. But I knew she was lying because she didn’t want to talk about it. “I just want to go home.”

“Okay,” I said.

Lydia.

I got out my phone and called home. “Daddy, I want to come home.”

“What happened?” My dad asked. “It’s only been about twenty minutes.”

I really didn’t want to get into a long discussion about Jeremy right then. “I don’t want to talk about it. Can you please take us home?”

“Okay, I’ll come pick you up. Meet me out by the entrance.”

“Thanks,” I said quickly and ended the phone call.

Chris.

We started pushing our way through the crowd. There was a woman up on stage beside the lead singer. I recognized her as the principal.

“And now…it’s time to announce Homecoming King and Queen!”

We made it to the gym door, but we didn’t stop to listen. “The king is…”

We walked down the hall. The image of Lydia with Jeremy froze in my mind. For a second there, it seemed like she might actually be interested in him. But that was completely ridiculous. She would never seriously consider him, right?

We got to the door and I pushed it open for her. The air was cool but not really cold. We waited by the curb for Lydia’s dad to pick us up.

Lydia.

This whole night was a disaster. How did I get in this stupid mixed up situation?

Has Chris ever told you how beautiful you are?

I felt a tear falling down my face. I brushed it quickly, hoping Chris didn’t see it.

Chris.

Oh, no…she was crying. I took a deep breath and I tried to comfort her. I wish I was better at this.

“Lydia, I know you were looking forward to this.” I reached my hand out to her shoulder, but it just stayed there behind her. I put my hand back down.

“I was,” I could hear the anger in her voice.

She turned away and I could see her choking back tears. I reached out my hand again, but nothing. I couldn’t do it.

I clenched my fist. This is so stupid. I should be able to comfort my best friend.  Things have been weird between us for about three months now, ever since theater camp.  What was wrong with me?

“Hey,” I finally said. “Come here.” That’s all you can say? You can do better than that.

But she shook her head and turned away from me. 

Lydia.

I looked up at the stars, still so mad at him for not realizing I was in love with him.

“Look,” Chris finally said. “We can go to the next dance, and it’ll be much better than this one.”

I tried to push Jeremy out of my mind, but he stayed there. Why did he even care that I was alive? I know he sounded sincere, but there was no way he would be genuinely interested in me. He must have an agenda.

“Lydia, do you want to try to do that?”

Oh, the dance. “I…I don’t know,” I stammered. I looked at the ground.

Has Chris ever told you how beautiful you are? Stop it, Jeremy. Chris is with me right now and he does care about me. I don’t need this right now.

I pulled up my head to see my dad’s car drive up. We got in the car and rode in silence for the rest of the way home.