Chris.

“You ready to go to the callbacks?” Lydia said to me.  I just closed my locker.

We had gone over all of Lysander and Hermia’s lines together over the week.  We should be ready to go.  

“You excited about the dance tomorrow?” Lydia suddenly blurted. Did she have to bring it up now? 

“Uh, yeah, yeah, of course.”

We started walking toward the auditorium in silence for a few seconds.  “It’s…uh…interesting…” Lydia started.  “What?” I asked back.

“You know, our parents giving approval…the other night….you remember?” 

I stiffened.  “Yeah, I remember.”

“Well, it’s just…interesting…that’s all.” She managed a slight smile.  I tried not to look in her eyes.

We walked to the door to the auditorium, which had a sign on it: Closed - except for Callbacks! I pushed open the door just as Mrs. Rubins told someone on stage, “Your Puck could use a little bit more whimsy, but otherwise that was a fine performance.  Congrats, Nathan, you got the role.”

Nathan grinned and pumped his fist.  We walked down and sat in the auditorium on the second row to the left.  Mrs. Rubins turned to one of the student directors and asked, “Michelle, who is next?”

“The two Lysanders and two Hermias, Mrs. Rubins.”

“Ah yes, Victor and Erica and Chris and Lydia.”  She turned around and on the right in the front row Victor and Erica sat down.  Victor was busy texting on his phone and didn’t look up.  Erica slapped him and he jumped up, putting down his phone. “Uh, yeah, we’re…ready...”

“Victor, if you want to be seriously considered for this part, you need to stop looking at that blasted device.  I was planning to give you two the first slot, but I have reconsidered.”

“But –” Erica protested.

“I have made up my mind.  Chris and Lydia, show me your Lysander and Hermia.”

She motioned for us to make our way to the stage.  We walked up to the stage and faced her.  “All right, then.  Start with, Act II, Scene I, when Lysander and Hermia enter.” 

She waved her hands for us to go on.  I turned to Lydia and projected to her, “Fair love, you faint with wandering in the wood; And to speak troth, I have forgot our way: We’ll rest us, Hermia, and if you think it good, And tarry for the comfort of the day.”

She put her hands on my shoulders and slowly caressed them down, a smile playing on her lips.  But before she even started speaking, I could feel my body stiffen again.  No, no, no.  This wasn’t supposed to happen here.  I backed away from her hands on me. 

Lydia glared at me but forced herself to smile and said, “Be it so, Lysander: find you out a bed, For me upon this bank will rest my head.”

I tried to put my hand on Lydia’s shoulder, but I couldn’t quite reach out to her.  What was wrong with me?  I put it down and said my line, “One turf shall serve as pillow for us both; one heart, one bed two bosoms and one troth.”

She put her hands on my sides, and again I felt uncomfortable.  This is not right.  She gritted her teeth but managed to get through the line, “Nay, good, Lysander, for my sake, my dear.  Lie further off yet, do not lie so near…”

She put an arm on my shoulder, and I could feel myself stiffen even more.  Just focus on the words.  I closed my eyes and said the lines as loudly as I could: “O, take the sense, sweet, of my innocence!  Love takes the meaning in love’s conference.  I mean, that my heart unto yours is knit so that –”

“Stop!”  We both jumped at the sound of Mrs. Rubins’ voice.  “All right, it’s time for Victor and Erica.”

We walked off the stage, and Erica and Victor made their way to the front.  I sat down on the seat, not daring to take one look at Lydia. 

“Start at ‘Lysander riddles very prettily,’,” Mrs. Rubins said to him.

Victor smiled and turned toward Erica, putting a hand on her cheek and taking her other hand in his.  “Lysander riddles very prettily,” She said to him, he nodded and she kept going.  “Now much beshrew my manners and my pride…”

Victor looked so confident with his moves up there.  He did flub a few lines, but nevertheless, he touched Erica as if he had been doing it his whole life.  Erica, while annoyed earlier, didn’t seem to be at all now.  I didn’t dare look at Lydia now; if she did she would give me the biggest glare.

When they finished the scene, Mrs. Rubins said, “Thank you, Victor and Erica.  You stay there.  I need Chris and Lydia also on stage.” We nervously nodded and made our way to the stage.

“Chris and Lydia, you two rehearsed your lines perfectly, and especially from two freshmen, I was impressed.  But I did not feel any emotion at all from you two.  At this point in the play, Lysander and Hermia are in love.  And all I saw was…you two being uncomfortable.  Look, if you want this role, you have to sell the emotion of the scene.  The lines we can work on, but the emotion of the scene has to be there.  You came in so late to the auditions; none of the bit roles are left.  Sorry.”

“Victor and Erica, you two nearly cost your roles from these young upstarts.  Don’t ever assume that the roles you want just be handed to you.  It’s your senior year and I want you two to give it your all….”

We wandered out of the auditorium in a daze.  Just like that, it was over.  I thought back to the way I acted.  I could be so much better than that.  I completely let Lydia down.

“I’m sorry,” I said, finally looking into her eyes.  “I froze, I guess.  I’m…I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” She said to me, but I could feel it wasn’t fine.

“No, it’s not.  I let you down –”

“Stop beating yourself up, okay?” She nearly yelled at me.  Then she softened.  “I was terrible too.  I mean, we both were.”

We slowly walked down the hall.  Without play rehearsals to look forward to, the only thing left was the Homecoming Dance tomorrow.  And she probably thought I only did it because she wanted to go (which was also true). 

“Hey, let’s have fun at the dance tomorrow, okay?” I forced a smile.

She smiled at me. “Really?  You really do want to go as much as I do?”

No, I don’t.  But I couldn’t admit that to her. “Yeah.  I do.”

She smiled.  “Thanks.”

***

Lydia.

It was the day of the dance. I was up in my room, with my dress on, almost ready.  I looked at myself in the mirror. The dress was a simple green, and strapless. It was my first kind of grown-up dress.  I walked down the stairs. 

Mark looked at me and paused his game. “You look nice. Where are you going?”

We’d been talking about it all week. But I stopped myself from saying something sarcastic and told him, “The Homecoming Dance is tonight. I’m going with Chris.”

“You always go with Chris.”

“Well…he’s my best friend,” I said simply. “Why wouldn’t I go with him?”

“Well, he’s not your…are you going to marry him?”

“Mark,” Mom called from the kitchen.

“No, not yet!” I blurted. Oops!

“Not yet?” He grinned. Why did he pick now to become interested in my life? I thought he only cared about his video games.

“Mom!” He called. I tried to shush him. “When I asked Lydia if she wanted to get married to Chris, she said, ‘Not yet!’”

“Mark!” I hissed. But I looked up to see mom standing before me.

“Oh really?” She said, grinning. “The truth comes out.”

“Well,” I stammered, feeling my face turning red. “The first thing I said was, no. He’s my best friend…I…uh….”

I might as well die right here. “Put a grave over me in the hallway by the steps, because my life is over.”

“Stop being so dramatic, Lydia,” Mom said as she chuckled. “It’s okay. I’m not going to bother you about what you said anymore.”

“Bother Lydia about what?” my dad said as he walked in from the office.

“Lydia –” Mark started.

“Mark,” Mom said, “Don’t embarrass your sister.”

“Aw,” he said as he unpaused his game and sat back down the couch.

“So are you ready for your circus act tonight?” Dad said to me. “I know Chris is!”

I looked at the ground. This was all too much.

“Hey, are you okay?” Dad asked.

“Yeah, I guess.” I turned to him, trying to smile.

“Lydia, I’ve known you long enough that whenever you say that, something’s wrong. What’s the matter? Does it have something to do with your little brother?”

I looked away. “No, not really.”

“Well, I just want to tell you I’m willing to listen, anytime.”

How do you tell your Dad you’ve been in love with your best friend for your entire life? 

Ding dong!

I sighed and looked at the ground.

“Is it about Chris? Because I thought you wanted to go to the dance with him.”

“No,” I said. “It’s fine.”

I rushed over to the door and opened it. “Hi, Chris. Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Howard.”

Chris was wearing a black vest with a white button shirt and black pants. They walked into the living room, Mr. Howard holding a black camera with a huge lens.  “Okay, before you two leave, it’s the photographers’ duty to capture pictures of these circus acts in costume before their opening night,” He grinned. 

I rolled my eyes.  Will it ever end?

“Stand next to each other at the fireplace.”  My mom said.  We dutifully walked over and faced the camera with the fireplace behind us. 

“Really, guys, there’s like a foot between you two.  It’s not like one of you is a fire breather.” Mrs. Howard said to us.  I turned to my right and Chris wasn’t anywhere close to me.  I bit my lip.  Did he really have to avoid it like the plague?  What was his problem? 

He smiled and moved right next to me like he was supposed to do.  Mom took pictures with her phone while Mr. Howard took some with his big camera.  Mark watched from behind us with smirking interest. 

Chris turned nervously to me.  “Uh…you ready to go?”  I nodded and we headed toward the door.

“Lydia, do you have your phone?” Dad said.

“Yes, Dad, I’ll call you when the dance is over.”

“Thanks, Lydia,” He gave me a hug. “I’ll be out there in a minute.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“Thank you,” Chris added.

I walked out on the porch with Chris. Suddenly Mark appeared in the doorway. “And Chris,” Mark suddenly said sarcastically, “You’d better propose because…”

Mom slammed the door, cutting him off.

He said, “Let’s go.”

We walked down the porch onto the sidewalk. “Mark was teasing you,” He finally said.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “He just started up. It’s so annoying.”

“I thought he only cared about his video games.”

“No, apparently not,” I said.

“Yeah,” Chris said. My dad came out and we got in the car.  

As we drove to the dance, Chris turned to me, but I looked away. If he doesn’t want to go the dance, why do I even bother?

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

In about a minute, we got out of the car in front the school.  We waved goodbye to Mr. Jamison and he drove away.  Lydia sighed.

“You still frustrated with Mark?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said, “And with my dad too, it seems like every guy wants to tease me right now.”

He glared at me. “Lydia, I don’t tease you. And I don’t like it when you say it seems every guy does.”

Here we go again.  I opened my big mouth about a generalization about guys, and Chris got upset about it. He told me he doesn’t make generalizations about girls because, as he said it, every girl is different. I would never compare you to all girls, Lydia. But still! 

“Okay, fine, you don’t do it, but you have to admit, both my dad and your dad wouldn’t let that circus thing go,” I said, annoyed.

“Yeah, but you’re not getting mad about our moms teasing us because they did it too.”

“Forget it,” I said to him.

Chris walked beside me without saying anything. Well, that’s just great, Lydia.  Not only are you with someone who doesn’t even want to be there, he has to fight with you too.  Could things get any worse?

We walked up the steps to the entrance to the school. A big sign over the door said, Homecoming Tonight! Under that, it said: Music by Psycho Boyfriend.

Chris opened the door for me and I went in, and then we walked through the school to the gym.

The sides of the gym had been decorated with outlines of Paris. There was a small statue of the Eiffel Tower in the corner. Lace stands with fake leaves stood around the area. I guess they were trying to give a French Café feel. On one side of the gym, there was a table with punch and snacks. The main light was off, instead, there was mood lighting set up around the corners.

In another corner, the band Psycho Boyfriend had just finished playing a song.

“We have an announcement to make,” the lead singer said with her spiked hair and her black dress. “We are changing our name. We are no longer Psycho Boyfriend. We are now…Psycho Ex-Boyfriend!”

We both laughed. Chris caught my eye. “Hey, I’m sorry about earlier.  I was being stupid.”

“It’s fine,” I grinned.  “I got carried away too.”

“Well, are you ready to dance!?” she yelled. The crowd cheered. The lead singer grinned. “Great, because we have another cover for you,” she said. “Here’s one of our favorites, ‘Avalanche,’ by Jessica Long.”

I turned to Chris.

“You want to dance?” He asked.

I nodded. We walked over to an empty spot on the dance floor. For one second we just stood looking at each other, not sure of what to do. I stole a glance at the other couples, and then put my arms around his neck. He put his arms around my waist. The dance was finally here, and I should be happy.

Chris.

We started to sway to the music, but I could feel my body stiffen again, just like the callback for the play.

 Relax, Chris. Why couldn’t I enjoy this? Our parents said yes. Lydia’s been dying to dance with me. And what would be so bad about a relationship? I know it’s what Lydia wants.  And she has always been there for me, always.

But what about our friendship? Would our pursuit of a romantic relationship destroy it?  Lydia was my closest and best friend, and we have a good thing going.  A good thing that’s suddenly going to be gone….

`I felt myself let go of her waist. She let go of my neck.

“What’s wrong?”

“I have to go to the…”

Like an out of body experience, I could feel myself running from the gym to the bathroom. I banged open the door and went up the sink, clutching it for dear life. Why am I freaking out? What’s wrong with me?  There was a reason, which I had either pushed aside or forgotten about, that was stopping me from dancing with Lydia.  What was it? Why was I being like this?

Lydia.

I walked over to the punch table and grabbed a drink. I quickly drank it.  It beat just standing by the door waiting for him.

Chris.

I gripped the edge of the sink harder. This is what Lydia wants. She wants to go to dances with you.  Forget the reason; you don’t even remember it anyway. Don’t you want to make her happy? 

Yes, yes I do.  So stop stalling.  Stop freaking out.  Stop feeling conflicted and just dive in.  Stop feeling so uncomfortable around her. 

Yes.  Yes!  I’m in.  No more waiting.  I’m ready.

Lydia.

“Excuse me,” A tall, brown haired guy said beside me at the punch table.

“Oh, sorry,” I said, and moved aside. He grabbed two punch glasses and sighed. He turned to me. “Wish me luck,” he said.

“Sure,” I stammered. He smiled and disappeared into the crowd.

I looked around at the crowd milling about, some dancing, some not.  I so wanted to be one of those couples, arms around each other tight.  There were a boy and girl staring straight into each other’s eyes, whispering and laughing at each other.  Why couldn’t that be me?

“Hi!”

I jumped and turned around.  It was Jeremy, Chris’ older cousin.  Chris hated him like the plague. “Jeremy, what are you doing here?” I stammered.

“Well, I was in the neighborhood,” He said. Okay, that was a stupid comment. “And,” he continued, “I just wanted to say hi.”

Why in the world would Chris’ cousin want to come say hi, right here and right now?  “Why?”

“Well, you seemed lonely,” He said.  “You’re hanging out by punch table all by yourself.  I wanted to make sure you were all right.”

Wait, what?  He hasn’t talked with Chris or me in months and suddenly he has this concern for me?  What was his game?

Chris.

I looked at the door to the bathroom. Okay, I’m going to go out there, and apologize to Lydia and tell her I’m ready to dance now.  I’m ready now…for anything.

I walked to the door and pushed it open, walking back into the gym. Where was Lydia? I searched around all the kids dancing, but I didn’t see her. Then from behind me, I heard: “…All guys are jerks.”

What?

“That’s not true!” I said. I was so annoyed at the assumption.

“What?” I turned around. Oh, no…it wasn’t Lydia like I thought. It was a tall and blonde girl staring at me with fierce eyes. She stood beside another brown-haired girl, who I assumed was her friend. Wait a second, I knew this blonde girl. I saw my cousin Jeremy hang out with her a lot last school year.  Maybe they kinda sorta dated, I don’t remember. She was tall and blonde and staring at me with fierce eyes. I know I’ve seen her hang around him before. But what was her name?

Lydia.

I put a hand on the punch table to steady myself. Jeremy’s sudden sincerity caught me off guard. I looked at him biting his lip. He was a tall boy, with flowing, black hair and fierce brown eyes. Why was he saying these things now? Why did he even care about my existence? “Thanks, I guess.”

Where was Chris? He should be back by now.

“Are you with Chris tonight?” Jeremy continued.

“Yeah, of course,” I said. 

“Well, where is he?”

“In the bathroom,” I said.

“Sure is taking his time…” He said as he put his hand on his chin.  Come on, Jeremy, stop stalling and tell me why you’re here.

Chris.

Jeremy’s (ex?) girlfriend and her friend bored me down with their eyes, while a tall boy with short brown hair beside them stood off to the side, holding two punch glasses. I shifted my legs. I really wanted to get back to Lydia, but she was on the other side of the gym.

“What do you mean by that?” the tall blonde girl asked.

“I…uh…just because you hate one guy don’t mean that all guys are like that.” There, I said it. “Some guys are different.  Some guys…you know, actually, do care.”

The blonde girl turned to her friend and whispered, “Who does he think he is?”

“I think he raises a good point,” the boy interjected.

“Who asked you?” the blonde girl responded sharply.

The boy quickly said, “Okay, okay.” He gave two glasses of punch to both girls.  Then the blonde girl turned back to me.

“Well, if you’re so smart, name a guy that’s not a jerk, a guy who actually cares.’”

It was like I was under a hot light. Man, I wish I was with Lydia right now, not stuck trying to explain myself to a girl I barely knew.

Lydia.

I forced myself to keep looking at Jeremy, instead of scanning the crowd for Chris.  “Yes, but Chris will be back in a few minutes,” I finally stammered at Jeremy.  He smiled. 

“I’m sure Chris is great for you,” he said.  “But if I were him, I wouldn’t let a beautiful girl like you out of my sight for a second.  I wouldn’t let you go the whole night.”

What?  Was he trying to flirt with me?  “Yes, but you’re not him.  In fact, I don’t think Chris would ever want to be you.”

“What does that have to do with anything?  I’m just over here as a concerned citizen,” He grinned.  “You shouldn’t be alone, Lydia.  You should have your date with you.  And he’s not here.  I saw how uncomfortable he was with you, Lydia, right before he left.  I’m sorry.  It must be tough.”

My mouth dropped open.  Was it that easy to figure out?  “Yes, but…why do you even care?  What do you want, Jeremy?  You want me to dance with you, is that it?  Because that is not happening.”

He reached out his hand toward me. I looked at it like it was poison, but I didn’t move.