Chapter 6: Leave and NeveR Come Back

3 Years Ago. Chris 11 Years, Lydia 11 Years, Jeremy 13 Years.

Chris.

It was the day of tryouts for middle school basketball. I had hoped that when I told my parents I was nervous about trying out on the same team as Jeremy, they would be nice parents and tell me, “Well, if you really don’t want to, you can try something else.” But no, my parents told me to “suck it up.”

I walked into the gym. A few dozen boys were practicing their shots and two heavy coaches with clipboards were walking around. I gave a high-five to my friend Ricky.  I looked around for Jeremy. 

“Maybe he’s not here,” Lydia said to me.

“Maybe, it’s just the tryouts,” I said.

Lydia didn’t have any play practice or homework to do, so I asked if she could come along. At first, my parents said no. But I told them over and over that she was moral support, and they changed their mind and said Lydia’s parents could come pick us up when I was done.

“I’m sorry, Chris. I need to go up to the bleachers,” She said to me.

“I know. Okay, see you afterward,” I said.

“Hi,” I heard from behind me. We turned to see Jeremy with a smile on his face.  “Hi, uh…Lydia, right?” he said to her.

I looked at him and back at Lydia in confusion.  I shrugged my shoulders.  Was Jeremy talking to her?  Why?

“Yeah…” Lydia said to him warily.

“Well, uh…” He twisted his fingers in his hair.  “How are you doing?”

“Okay,” Lydia said, still confused by Jeremy being so nice to her all of a sudden. 

“Uh, anyway, it’s good to see you…bye!”

Jeremy turned and walked away.  That was the weirdest conversation we’d ever had. Why was he acting all awkwardly nice with Lydia?  Did his mom tell him that he had to be nice to us, or else?  Who knows?

“I need to go,” I said to Lydia.  “I’ll see you in a little bit.”  She nodded and walked up to the bleachers.

I went to the assistant coach and signed in. A few seconds later, the head coach blew his whistle. “Boys, practice is starting!”

All of the other boys stopped shooting baskets and walked over to sit down on the first row of the bleachers. I sat down with them. Did they all have to look taller and bigger than me? I felt like the smallest guy in sixth grade. I sat down and tried to focus on the coaches. There were also a few eighth graders standing beside them, including Jeremy.

“My name is Coach McGuinnis and this is Coach Wesley. We have a few eighth-grade teammates helping us out. We are testing your endurance, your shooting skills, your passing skills, and we will have a practice game at the end. I have a no tolerance policy for verbal or physical bullying. There are over twenty of you today, and we have only eight spots for sixth graders. The first thing we are starting with is a ten-lap run.”

Everyone else groaned, but I stood up, getting ready to run. I could hear the rest start to get up too. “Coach’s pet,” I heard behind me. Then one of bigger sixth graders pushed ahead of me. This wasn’t what I had in mind.

But then Coach McGuinnis blew the whistle and everybody stopped.

“I saw that, Stewart,” he said to the boy who had pushed me. “Goodbye.”

“But –”

“Goodbye, Stewart.”

Stewart started walking to the door. That gave me the hope that maybe; just maybe this would be okay. Coach McGuinnis blew his whistle and we started again.

After the laps, we were told to start layups. But what surprised me was that almost every basket went in like clockwork. All those practices I did every day during the summer finally clicked.

Next, we made shots from the free-throw line and beyond the free throw line. I only missed one shot, and that was from the free throw line.  Ricky came over and gave me a high-five.

Coach Wesley recorded something on his clipboard, then turned to me and said, “Good job, Chris.”

Next, we got to the passing. The eighth-grade boys would have to throw the ball and we’d throw it back. Jeremy made sure he was the one passing to me.

I threw it to him. He threw it back – hard. Instead of cringing, I took the full force of that ball and hit the ground. I looked for the coaches, but they were both talking with other boys at the moment. Lydia was looking elsewhere too.  Where was the whistle when I needed it?

The coach blew the whistle and said: “Practice game.” All the eighth-grade boys grabbed water and sat on the bleachers.

The coach divided us into two teams. He put us in position and threw up the ball. When I played in elementary school, all of my teammates would shout for the ball and I’d pass it to them. It was no big deal to me because they seemed to want the ball more than me.

So at first, whenever I got the ball, I immediately passed to them and they took the shots. But I kept looking at the basket and wondering if I could be good too. It got to halfway through the practice game and I had the ball seven or eight times, but I always passed it away from me. Then I heard Coach McGuinnis blow the whistle and call me over.

“I saw you earlier, Chris. You’re a great shooter. Next time if you see a shot, take it.”

I nodded. “Yes, Coach.”

I walked out to the court and reminded myself that if the coach says I need to take a shot, I should take it. At first, the other team had the ball, but then they made a basket.

I grabbed the ball and started dribbling toward the goal. I ran through the opposing team and ran past the half-court line. Besides the opposing players, who were darting back and forth, my teammates screamed, “I’m open, I’m open!”

I looked at the coach.

“Take the shot!” He yelled.

It was a good three feet behind the three-point line, but okay. I turned to the goal and took the shot. The ball left my hands and sailed through the air. It hit the backboard and swish! Some of my teammates actually looked at me in amazement. The coach blew the whistle. I looked over at Lydia and she gave me two thumbs up with a big smile.

“That’s what I’m looking for. You did a great job, Chris.”

One or two boys still shot dirty looks, but all of the boys on my practice team looked like they were happy to have me on the team. Maybe I was finally earning their respect.

But then I turned to Jeremy pacing on the sidelines. He gave me a death glare.

Be cool, Chris. Relax; he wasn’t playing right now.

For the rest of the practice game, the team started passing the ball to me. Layups, three-pointers, half-court shots, I made almost all of them, only missing two. I think I was as surprised as my teammates at how good I was. Now, I was a little worse on defense, but the rest of the team picked up the slack. We trounced the other practice team so bad, I felt sorry for them. After another half-court shot, all the teammates gave me high-fives.

Finally, Coach McGuinnis blew the whistle for the last time and told us to hit the showers. “Results will be posted on the bulletin board by the end of the week.”

I watched as the rest of the boys went into the locker room, and waved Ricky goodbye. 

Lydia came bounding down the bleachers and wrapped her arms around me. She didn’t care I was hot and sweaty.

“You were awesome!” She told him when we released from our hug. I smiled at her. “Thanks, Lydia.”

“I knew you were good, but I didn’t know you were that good.  I mean…wow.  All right, I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

She waved and walked back to the bleachers.

As I started to walk into the locker room, I was so relieved.  When I was younger, my Aunt always bragged about Jeremy being the best basketball player. I was compared a lot to him, even though I was two years younger. Finally, when it came time to try out for Middle School basketball, I was so afraid I wouldn’t measure up to Jeremy that I practiced all summer long whenever I had a spare moment. Finally, all that practice paid off.

I walked in, took a quick shower and changed clothes. I was about to put on my shoes when I heard the swinging door open.

I looked up to see Coach McGuinnis. What’s going on? He sat down beside me. “Chris, I don’t normally do this, but you haven’t had the best day or the most confidence, so I thought you should know you’re on the team.”

I blinked my eyes to see if this was still real. “Thank you, Coach.”

“You have amazing talent, dedication, and teamwork, Chris. I was floored by how well you did out there. But I was a little disappointed that you doubted your own abilities. You didn’t make those amazing shots in the practice game until I pushed you to do it. You are an excellent basketball player, Chris,” he said to me.

Was he really saying this…about me? “Thanks,” I mumbled.

“Look, I know that some of the other kids out there didn’t treat you well. And I’m sorry for that. I’ll try my best to catch them and put a stop to it, but I won’t be around all the time. I hope you can stick it out because we could really use you. You’ll make a great addition to the team.”

I’ll just keep practicing like I always have.  I can do this. 

I nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

“Awesome!” He gave me a high five. “I’m really excited about you playing this season.”

He opened the locker doors and then stopped. “Oh, and one more thing,” Coach McGuinnis’ voice told Chris. “Don’t let Jeremy or any of the other guys get to you. I know you’re better than him – I mean, better than that.”

Both of us looked around to see if Jeremy heard us.  But the locker room seemed empty.

“Well,” Coach smiled. “I need to go. You know the way out, right?”

I nodded, and he walked out. The door closed.

Suddenly I was thrown against the lockers while Jeremy’s eyes bored into me. How did he get here?  Was he on the other side of the lockers?

Jeremy threw me against the lockers again. He gritted his teeth and growled, “How could you do this to me?”

“Do what to-” I stammered.

He threw me against the lockers. A sharp pain hit my back as one of the combo locks ripped into my skin. “This is my place, my home.  I’m the one the coach is supposed to think is the greatest.  It was never supposed to be you.”

He turned away for a second and then turned back again. “I want you to leave,” he continued. “Leave and never come back. I will hurt you, destroy you, and do whatever it takes to keep you from playing here. You can never be the best as long as I’m with Coach McGuinnis.  If you leave right now, no one has to know. But if you don’t, I’ll ruin you forever.”

I tried to speak, but no words come out. I couldn’t run away or wrench free.

“So, you’re going to leave?” He pushed me against the wall again.

“Yes!” I finally blurted. “I’ll leave; just don’t hurt me, please,” I begged him.

“And don’t tell anyone,” he growled. “If you do, I’ll destroy the both of you!”

He finally let go of me. “Get all your things, because you’re never coming back here!”

He sidestepped me and quickly started grabbing all his stuff. Before I finished getting my stuff, he went to the door, pulled it open and ran down the hall.  I looked at the door, afraid that he would turn around and come back to beat me up.  Any second now he could come back.  Please don’t come back, Jeremy.

The minutes ticked by and I went through Jeremy’s words over and over again in my mind.  He seemed to be jealous of the attention that the coach gave me, from what I could see.  I had no idea he looked up to the coach like that.  When I came in and the coach thought I was awesome, I guess Jeremy hated it.  He wanted to be the one Coach thought was the best.  But why was he so desperate for Coach to think he was the best instead of me?  Why did he have to tell me to leave?   Why….

I jumped as I heard a knock on the locker room door. “Chris, what’s going on? Are you okay?”  Lydia’s voice filtered into the room. 

Lydia.  I completely forgot she was still here.  I got up and slowly walked toward the door.

“Chris, are-”

I pushed open the door a crack and Lydia appeared in the doorway with a concerned look on her face.

“Oh, no, what happened?”

I wanted to blurt out everything and tell her.  I wanted to tell my best friend.  But nothing came out, only sobs.

She put her arms around me. “It’s okay, I’m here now. I’m right here.”

I slowly wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly.

She pulled back and looked into my eyes. “I’m your best friend. I’m right here.”

We just stood there looking at each other, holding each other. 

“Thank you,” I finally whispered. “Thank you for being my best friend.”

We held each other tightly for some time.

Then Lydia suddenly pulled away. “What happened?  Can you tell me?”

I wanted so bad to tell her everything. But if Jeremy found out I told her and hurt her too, I would never forgive myself.

“I…I can’t!”  I sighed and looked away.

To my surprise, she didn’t press it further.  “Um, okay,” She said to me. “I understand.”

“Can we go home now?”

Lydia nodded and got out her phone from her pocket and called her mom. She tried to sound normal as she told her we were ready to go.

We walked through the middle school lobby and out to the curb. Just a few minutes later my mom drove up. We got in the car on the right side and Mark was fast asleep in his car seat. Lydia’s mom turned to us from the driver’s seat.

“So, how was …?” she stopped when she saw our faces. “Didn’t go well, huh?  Well, you can tell me if you want to. I’m right here.”

She turned around and started driving. We finished the rest of the ride in silence. When we drove up the driveway, Mrs. Jamison said, “Chris, your mom went running on some errands, so you’ll stay with us, okay?”

I nodded. Mrs. Jamison picked up the sleeping Mark.  Lydia started to go in the house after her mom and brother.

I didn’t want to go in. I wanted to go as far away as possible. “I’ll just be in the backyard,” I blurted. Mrs. Jamison turned around. “Okay.”

I started walking around the house in the backyard, wanting to run faster but too upset to do it. I walked past the old sandbox we used to play in at the edge of the yard. Beyond the yard was the edge of the woods. Usually, we stopped at the edge of the woods, but this time, I didn’t stop. I kept walking.

I pushed into the woods and there in front of me was the fallen log we sometimes went to in the woods.  I stepped over the log and slowly sat down on it.  I just wanted to forget this day ever happened.  I just wanted to disappear into the woods and never be seen again. 

I jumped when I heard a branch snap behind me. I turned quickly around to see Lydia.  She looked embarrassed that I saw her but she didn’t say anything. 

I just looked at her. Then I turned back toward the woods. 

Lydia climbed over the log. We sat on it for a long time. Shades of afternoon light fell into the forest. No squirrels, no birds came into view, though I could hear them occasionally. I felt Lydia put her arm around my shoulder.

“I hate basketball. And I hate Jeremy. I hate it all,” I suddenly said.

“If you hate it, Chris, don’t do it anymore,” Lydia said simply. 

If only it were that easy. I turned to her. “But everyone else is counting on me; my parents, the coaches, my teammates, everyone. They all want me to be this big basketball star.  I’m not that person anymore.  I tried to be, but I’m not.”

Lydia softly said, “You don’t have to be that for me. I just want you to be my best friend. Forever and ever.”

I grabbed her and held her tight. “Forever and ever?”

“Yeah,” Lydia said. She pulled away and looked at me funny like she wanted to tell me something really important.  She started, “Chris, I…I...lo…” her voice dropped off.

I looked at her funny.  “You what?”

“I know what you should do,” Lydia said. “You should come do plays with me instead. I’m auditioning for The Music Man on Thursday. You could come do it with me.”

“Yeah, but what do I do about everyone who was counting on me? What do I say to them?”

Lydia rested her hand on her cheek. “Well, it’s like you said. They’re counting on you to be someone you’re not.”

I sighed. “I don’t know if I want to do plays, but I know I can’t go back to basketball. No way. You know what? I’ll do it. It’s better than staying home doing nothing.”

“And you’ll be with me,” Lydia said. “That’s good, right?”

“Yeah,” I managed a slight smile. “It’ll be awesome.”

Lydia put her arm around me again, and we sat for a few seconds in silence.

“Jeremy did something to you, didn’t he? You don’t have to tell me what it was. And I promise not to tell anyone.”

I said nothing for a long time…then I slowly nodded my head. Lydia put her head on my shoulder, and I closed my eyes and listened to the birds chirping in the woods. 

***

Present.

Chris.

Lydia ran up beside me, but I still didn’t want to look at her. “Whatever Jeremy did, it was inexcusable! He should never have hurt you like he did whatever it was. Chris, you’re my best friend and that will never change. I would never go out with him. No matter what! I promise!” 

I finally stopped on the sidewalk, blinking back tears.

Lydia tried again. “Chris, I’m so sorry. It’s been so long…I…”

Lydia looked really sorry.  I felt bad for being so mean to her. “You…you don’t how much it hurts to see him try to win you over. My best friend.”

Lydia put her arm around me. For once, I didn’t get uncomfortable and push it away. “You’re right. I’m so, so sorry, Chris,” she said to me.

We hugged. The anger faded away. “It’s okay. I’m not mad at you anymore, Lydia. I forgive you.”

“Best friends forever, right?” she squeaked out.

I smiled. “Yeah, best friends forever.”

She forced a smile as we kept walking home. It looked like she was about to say something else, but she stopped herself.  I’m not sure I wanted to know what she was going to say.